Now regularly blogging for the Huffington Post

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

Many of the leaders I work with tell me they spend as much as 40 per cent of their time and energy managing the “fear factor.” That’s 40 per cent of their time dealing with the fear of being on the receiving end of verbal outbursts and negative actions by others. It is usually the leader with the most power who provokes the most fear. With leaders worried about outbursts and other nasty behavior from those with even more power than they have, imagine the toll the fear factor must take on the people who wield substantially less power: everybody else.

Although many a CEO would espouse that they “challenge their people,” many employees would argue those “challenges” feel threatening. The reality is simple — employees blossom when challenged and wither when threatened. There is no data showing that anxious, fearful employees are more creative and productive, but there is data proving that employees in a threatening environment are less engaged, less loyal and for the most part miserable.

There are many sophisticated tools, such as Gallup’s Q12 and Korn/Ferry’s Talent Engagement Architect, to evaluate corporate culture. Numerous studies have emphatically concluded that a positive corporate environment directly impacts the bottom line positively. People adapt to their work environment and culture. They either thrive or slowly begin to die. Obviously, that shrinking of the human spirit affects not only people’s work lives, but their lives in general, and, by extension, society as a whole. Lack of civility debilitates and destroys.

Researchers have been studying this for more than a decade, and it is long past time to put their findings into practice. In the 2003 Baltimore Workplace Study lead by the University of Baltimore’s Jacob France Institute and the John Hopkins University, 83 per cent of workers report that it is “very important” to work in a civil environment. More than one-third of the respondents, 36 per cent, felt they had been the victim of uncivil workplace behavior either “occasionally” or “frequently.”

In my work as the CEO of a leadership institute, I’ve talked to people whose employers or supervisors have repeatedly belittled them during meetings, sent scathing e-mails about their work and/or “challenged” them by with-holding a promised bonus.

Those who have been targets of such bad behavior often become uncivil themselves. They spread gossip to deflect attention. They sabotage their peers. They call in sick and leave early. As reported in the Harvard Business Review, employees faced with incivility are likely to narrow their focus to avoid risks, and lose opportunities to learn in the process. Obviously this impacts their level of personal success and the success of the organization.

Civility is not a term we typically associate with corporate life or use to describe the everyday world in workplaces around the globe. But consider the potential impact on corporate culture, and society as a whole, if civility were not just expected, but championed by senior leadership.

Given that most people spend upwards of 40 hours a week at work, imbuing the workplace and corporate culture with civility would unquestionably have a ripple effect on our larger society. Key to a civil corporate culture and a civil society are strong interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence — the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself and others. An increasing number of corporate hiring authorities say that hiring for emotional intelligence is now of equal importance to hiring for intellect.

Emotional intelligence is the bedrock of civil discourse not only within corporations, but throughout society.

Imagine what civility could bring not only to boardrooms, but to political discourse around the world. Liberals and Conservatives, Republicans and Democrats, will always disagree. But as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said, we must learn to disagree without being disagreeable.

When the level of public discourse falls to the point where a national U.S. radio commentator calls a young woman a “slut” and a “prostitute” for saying that birth control should be covered under health insurance programs, and a Canadian cabinet minister tells Canadians that they’re “with the child pornographers” if they disagree with his Bill C-30, it’s time to recall Dr. King’s words.

Recalling those words and acting upon them within the corporate environment would go a long way towards creating a more civil society. Corporate leaders have a responsibility to disagree without being disagreeable, to remove the “fear factor” in their organizations, and to use their influence to contribute to a civil society.

I am convinced that civility within corporate discourse is the best way to influence civility in our national and global discourse.

by Alexandra Levit

The recent recession has toppled and transformed our ideas about just about everything.  In researching my most recent book, I went in search of the 10 biggest myths of business success that people believe to be true even though they don’t work for 98 percent of all truly successful people.

The time to debunk these myths is now because they are more dangerous and less viable than ever given this post-recessionary climate of ethical scrutiny and intense competition.  If adhering to these myths didn’t get you places before, it really won’t today, when employers want people with Puritan work ethics, people who want to do their jobs well without rocking the boat too much and who are strong representatives of the organization’s culture.

Putting on blinders is not an option and you can’t afford to waste time.  You must throw away these myths immediately and determine what will work in their place.

Myth #1:  Overnight success is possible.

Myth #2:  Controversy will propel your career.

Myth #3:  Employers want you to be yourself.

Myth #4:  Being good at your job trumps everything.

Myth #5:  It’s best to climb the ladder as fast as possible.

Myth #6:   You’ll get more money because you’ve earned it.

Myth #7:  The problem isn’t you, it’s the organization.

Myth #8:  You won’t get laid off, you’re too essential.

Myth #9:  If only you could break out of Corporate America, everything would be perfect.

Myth #10:  Do what you love and the money will follow.

Want to learn more about these myths and  their realities, as well as  practical steps you can take to drive your career forward?  Consider attending internationally-recognized workplace expert Alexandra Levit’s session, Succeeding in the 21^st Century Workplace.

Alexandra Levit is a former nationally-syndicated business and workplace columnist for The Wall Street Journal and the author of Blind Spots: The 10 Business Myths You Can’t Afford to Believe on Your New Path to Success.  Money Magazine’s Online Career Expert of the Year, she regularly speaks at organizations and conferences on issues facing modern employees.

by Dawn Gelderloos and Karen Baldwin

With the ICAN Women’s Leadership Conference less than a month away, you can feel the excitement and momentum building. Yes, for many women it’s truly a physical reaction. We can actually feel the excitement within our bodies. Our feelings, our emotions and our intuition provide us with “hits” of energy that enter our bodies in a different way than our thoughts do.

In addition to our thinking brain, scientists have discovered a “second brain”, sometimes referred to as our “gut brain” located in the intestinal tract. Our gut brain can influence our moods and emotions, what we eat, our health and well-being, a range of diseases, and decision making. In addition to the intestinal tract we also receive information and “hits” of energy through our solar plexus.

Research suggests that every cell in the human body responds to each emotion and spoken word we experience. These “feelings” (electrical charges) can be measured from 6 to 8 feet away! Have you ever picked up the mood of a room when you walked in even before anyone said a word?  This “quick and ready insight”, also known as our intuition, often appears as emotions or physical sensations in the body.

Have you ever been faced with a decision and had no idea what to do?  Wished you had a crystal ball to give you the right answer?  What if this “wisdom” was right at your fingertips?  Neuroscience tells us that we each hold that “crystal ball” within us.

As leaders in today’s world, we have the ability to build stronger teams, enhance relationships, boost creativity and performance, make better decisions and motivate those around us.  And, the human brain is our most valuable resource. By understanding the human brain, we increase our capacity to change how we think and behave.  Yes, neural connections can be re-formed, new behaviors can be learned, and even the most entrenched behaviors can be modified at any age!

In our session together, you will discover more about your individual thinking style and preference, learn how our brains manage our emotions, and explore the power of a Wise Mind.

Oh, and yes, the crystal ball. We will discover what it means to tap into the wealth of     “data” already stored in our brains and turn that into all the wisdom you will need to increase your effectiveness, your decision-making, and to lead change in your organization.

We’re excited… can you feel it?

The world celebrates women on March 8 – will you participate?

International Women’s Day originally observed to highlight women’s oppression and inequality has evolved into a celebration of the “positives”. Women are now astronauts, firefighters, mega-business leaders, presidents and prime ministers. Since it’s visionary conception in the early 1900′s,  IWD has grown into thousands of events throughout the world helping to educate, inspire and celebrate the achievements of women. A global web of rich and diverse activity – from political rallies and business conferences to  craft fairs – acknowledge the gifts women bring to humanity.

For me, the  theme for International Women’s Day 2012,“Connecting Girls, Inspiring Futures,”  is a call to action to continue to evolve the work of ICAN. One of the most significant things that ICAN has done in it’s thirty year history is to “connect girls” and on April 4 we will bring more than 2000 women together at our 19th annual women’s leadership conference. If you plan to attend bring a girl and inspire her to a future full of possibility. If you have a daughter, a little sister, a niece or a neighbor who you care about – bring her. We have role to help girls navigate the journey towards adulthood and as women we have a role to help each other too.  In the era  of hyper connectedness women have access to on-line inspiration, however, there is nothing more transformational than experiencing the energy  of 2000 powerful women all under one roof!  See you there.

by Karen Lisko

“I’ll be happy when . . .”   When what?! If you have ever caught yourself uttering these words, you have just created a scenario that fails to ultimately reach that self-promised level of happiness. As high achieving women, why do we actively suspend our own happiness while allowing stress to filter into the cracks at every unbidden turn? I thought about this very thing when riding on an elevator in a hotel just last week. It took a key card to access the floor and a key card to access the room. After all the terrific security in the hotel locked me in the quiet of my room with my own thoughts,  I was allowing my own thinking to cause the greatest danger to my mental and physical health!

Research in positive psychology has exploded in recent years. We know so much more today about the neuroscience of emotion as well as the practical logic of people’s own journeys toward recognizing happiness. Recognizing happiness. Not finding it. Not achieving it. Recognizing it. If we get the opportunity to encounter one another in my session at the electrifying 2012 ICAN Women’s Leadership Conference, you will hear me harp on the ways we miss our own happiness while we’re busy suspending it!

In fact, there exist at least three ways we can be “happy unfinished” in our lives at this very moment. The first way is to “unfinish our expectations.” The second is to “unfinish our sentences” and the third is to “unfinish our fines.” You can be certain I will discuss happiness in those “unfinished” states at the ICAN conference and in my post-conference writing.

So catch yourself in your next attempt to say, “I’ll be happy when . . .” And then reverse the language. Would it not be more effective to allow happiness to permeate and change our thinking to “I’ll be stressed when . . .”? Schedule your stress for a later date (and at that date you are free to skip it altogether)!

by: Karen Watson

Do you remember going to your very first dance? Think back to that time when it seemed like every move you made was awkward and your toes were left throbbing in pain. Ouch!!

A mis-speak in a professional setting leaves us feeling just like that. Ouch! We’ve all been there before. Something happens to us in a single point in time that makes words seemingly lunge from the bowels of our vocal cords to reflect exactly what we wanted to say, but should have verbalized differently.

Good conversations, including those in professional settings, are likened to dancing. There’s a beat, a flow, a pause, and a step. Beats are pounded out by education, career choices and life’s circumstances. Rhythms flow from opposite perspectives and contrasting views that yield both simple and complex solutions. The best conversations, just like our best dance moves, should leave us refreshed and energized. The worst leave us drained and forever revisiting what should have been said instead.

I can’t wait to get together for the “What I really meant to say was…” breakout session where I will share why it’s absolutely necessary to B-R-E-A-T-H-E when holding business conversations. Join me to glide across the conversational dance floor expecting to pick up tips on how to keep your feet on the floor and out of your mouth.

Karen is a woman of faith, author, and speaker. She combines experience/wisdom/humor to help people & organizations experience change through the power of written and spoken words. Visit Karen’s Website:  www.kwatsongroup.com.

by Beverly Kracher

Sally had heard Jackie stand up for her beliefs before. Last time was with Mark, their boss. They didn’t know she was listening. Mark told Jackie that she had to make sure that the new receptionist they were hiring “had the presence the start up needed.” Sally knew that “presence” was code for body parts. Jackie had responded – calmly but in no uncertain terms. Sally overheard words like “integrity”….”fair”…. “accountability”…..The firm ended up hiring a receptionist – no Gwyneth Paltrow – but extremely competent.

This time Jackie was talking to their colleague, Ben. He had said that “everyone in the industry was doing it” (doing what? Sally wondered). Something was going on….Jackie was saying “but we want our customers to respect us, don’t we, Ben? We need to be the honorable ones…” Ben backed down.

“How did Jackie do it?” Sally wondered. Moral confrontation always made Sally uncomfortable.

But it seemed so easy when Sally watched Jackie. Last time Sally tried to stand on a principle she just blurted something out, and when called on it, she froze, she couldn’t think, and babbled something ineffective. If only she could be more like Jackie. Jackie always seemed to have the right words on the tip of her tongue…

………………………
Later that day, standing in her kitchen, snacking over the sink, Jackie thought about her conversation with Ben. She felt satisfied. That extra time she took to practice using the Ethinary and the strategies she learned in the “Building Your Moral Powers” seminar a couple of years really paid off. She liked feeling morally confident. She smiled.

by Mallika Chopra

I am so excited (and honored) to be speaking at the ICAN Women’s Leadership Conference this year.  How cool to be sharing the stage with Arianna Huffington and so may smart, accomplished women!  I am humbled and thrilled.

There are a few things I want to explore together at the conference.

First: Share some of the tools I learned growing up (yes, my father is the well-known author, Deepak Chopra) to get centered, find peace and figure out what it is that you actually want. One of these tools was meditation (and we will do a simple mediation together), the other was clearly articulating our intents – our aspirations who we wanted to be.

Second: Talk about balance. I am a mom with two young girls. My intent is to be a good mom. And, yet, like many of you (who may be married or single, moms or not moms, working or not working), I am stretched in many directions! Relationships, kids, friends, family, work. Is it possible for women today to truly find balance? What is balance in the 21st Century and how can we find it?

Ultimately, the two themes above are integrally woven together.

We make goals to find happiness, meaning and purpose in our lives. Wellbeing today is not just about health and fitness. Wellbeing also includes being socially fulfilled, enjoying our jobs, feeling part of a community, giving back and having a sense of purpose.  Wellbeing for me includes feeling balanced, rested, inspired, motivated.

My intent is to find that place of balance and happiness so I can share it with those I encounter in my life.

What’s your intent?

Mallika Chopra is the founder of Intent. You can state your intent and support others at www.intent.com, and read Mallika’s blogs at www.intentblog.com .

By Lindsey Pollak

Ask your parents or grandparents to define happiness and they’ll surely talk about love, friends and family. Next, they’ll probably mention succeeding in their chosen career, owning a nice home and having a solid nest egg.

But ask a Gen Y (those born approximately 1982 to 2000), and the definition of success and happiness may sound quite different. As Hannah Seligson recently wrote of her peers in Washingtonian, “Instead of a steady job, they want a meaningful one that serves a larger purpose or fulfills a personal passion. And instead of settling down with a spouse and mortgage, they want more years of freedom to chase career dreams and explore different paths before they have to make tradeoffs.”

While detractors call this “entitlement,” I admire Millennials’ desire to live life on their own terms. Millennials want to explore multiple careers, relationships, lifestyles and technologies without committing to any one path too soon. For a generation with a life expectancy of 100 or more, why not live big in your 20s?

In fact, I think that Gen Ys want things many of the rest of us in previous generations wanted, too — freedom, choices, meaning, passion. We just didn’t prioritize them over money and security. Millennials do.

What do you think abut the different approaches of Millennials and other generations? I look forward to discussing with you in April!

Julia Moulden is an author, speaker, and Huffington Post columnist.

What would a world of women leaders look like? Lady Gaga. Christine Lagarde. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Angela Merkel. Oprah Winfrey. Tawakul Karman. Johanna Sigurdardottir. Sheryl Sandberg. Arianna Huffington. The list is long and growing each day…

How things have changed in a single generation! Although we’re just twelve years in, it’s not too soon to call it: the 21st century belongs to women.

Want to be part of it? Or enhance what you’re already doing? The ICAN Women’s Leadership Conference is the place to be this April.

I’m leading three sessions. Discover how women are changing the world through good works and how you can forge your own positive path of service. Learn how women come into their own after 50 (check out the first paragraph for proof!) and how to unleash your own passion and purpose when others are telling you it’s the end of the road. And explore how women like us are harnessing the power of social media to become an ever-more-influential part of the global conversation (just in time for Facebook’s $50 billion IPO).

What’s next for women? Come find out. We’ll talk about how you and your daughters will shape the world that’s coming.

Conference Breakout Sessions
Breakout Session 1 & 3: NEW RADICALS: Reinventing Your Work to Save the World
Breakout Session 2: RIPE: Rich, Rewarding Work After 50